


Come back

by Hyojinie



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Being Lost, Bromance, Crying, Desire, Friendship, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, No Smut, Other, Protectiveness, Regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2019-10-26 13:27:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17746727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyojinie/pseuds/Hyojinie
Summary: Hey I'm Wonho.Actually I don't know where to start. Changkyun is nowhere to be found.  We don't even know whether he's alive or not. I just.. just miss him so much. We got into a fight. It was all my fault and now I'm asking myself if I can ever get the chance to apologize to him or hug him and call him kkukung again.. I'll pray until the day he enters the dorm and shows us his cute dimples while saying "I'm back".





	1. 0

I was watching the performance of our seniors BTS and smiled widely. They were just great as always. I looked around and my eyes catched our monbebes in the crowd, who got really excited the moment I waved to them. I was always thankful and happy just by seeing them and I just knew that every word and every expression was meaningless. My love to monbebes was beyond all of this. While our members were talking to eachother and to some of the seventeen members next table.. I've got a bit nervous. After a few performances it was our turn.. and our maknae wasn't anywhere to be seen. I rolled my eyes. Most of the time Changkyun was acting like a irresponsible kid. Of course he couldn't do anything about his personal schedule today but afterall he promised to be back on time and catch our well prepared stage performance for the MBC music awards. It would be a big failure if he doesn't show up on time since we didn't even practice the choreo without him.. I sighed in frustration and looked to Kihyun who was probably dividing my concern with me.

 

"I think we should call him.."

 

I nodded and watched him walking away to find a place to call Changkyun.

 

I was counting the performances.. There were only 3 performances left until ours. I suddenly felt hot in that suit and my hands were sweating.. I took a deep breath. I didn't even realised that Kihyun was back.

 

"I've called him 100 times, I guess.. but no response."

 

I cursed under my breath and saw how the old MC was walking with weak legs to the middle of the stage.. With shaking arms he brought the mic to his lips..

 

"Our honorable audience and beloved artists. Unfortunately we have to quit our award show right now. An accident happened next door on SBS new show and we lost our friends and artists. I want to send my condolences to all the families and our people and hope that all the beautiful souls will rest in peace"

 

After the cameras turned off I looked around.. confused by what the old man just told us. Suddenly the voices became much louder until a NCT member in the front screamed to the MC.

 

"Excuse me please. What's the name of the show."

 

And suddenly it was quite and I held my breath and stopped thinking. 

 

"Let's talk on air.' We just got the informatiom that a plane fell."

 

I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't. I saw how Kihyun and Minhyuk ran out of the room. Jooheon screamed.. Shownu pushed the people infront of him and ran after them.. Hyungwon grabbed my arm and at this moment a tear stroked my face...

 

"Changkyun..."


	2. 1

We were practising all day. The moment I stepped into the dorm, I drew myself on my favourite couch  and gave all my attention to my phone. I didn't realise how much time went by when I looked through Twitter and our Fancafe. I guess our fans are the real entertainers. Before I put my phone aside I saved some of Hyungwons meme's. I need that stuff to annoy him later. I lifted my head and saw how Kihyun sat next to me with a slice of lemon and a jar of honey in both of his hands..

 

"What are you doing?"

 

He looked up while putting the jar between his legs..

 

" The combination of lemon and honey is good for your throat. I've to save my voice for the award show tomorrow. Do you want some?"

 

I waved my hand and shook my head.

 

"No thanks. I'll be fine."

 

Kihyun smiled. Probably glad that he doesn't have to share his 'great' invention.

 

The other members joined us one after another. I always hated that queue to shower. So while the others had packed their stuff after the practice..I quickly ran to the single bathroom to take a shower. It was not really cool to shower in that small room in our company but it was quite better than to wait for your turn. 

 

Anyways after we gathered together in our livingroom I saw that one of us was missing..

 

"Where's Changkyun?"

 

Minhyuk shrugged and gave a quick look to his armwatch..

 

"Coda crew.."

 

He said. His voice sounded so tired. I couldn't hold the anger back . I was annoyed.

 

"What's wrong with him? Does he know anything about our schedule? I don't really know and actually don't want to know what they're doing in that studio at this hour but I can't tolerate that! Tell him to come immediately!"

 

Jooheon swallowed..

 

"Hyung c'mon don't be so harsh."

 

I stood up and reached for my phone.. The other members were quiet.. watching me..

 

"Hey where are you?" I said with that stern tone after he picked up my call.

 

"What's wrong Hyung?" he said but it was hard to understand since they played music in the background.

 

"Come home! Now! I don't want any excuses. You have 30 minutes."

 

I hung up and threw my phone to the couch.. 

 

"You okay?" asked Shownu with a concerned look.. I just nodded and looked away. Everything was fine except for the behaviour of someone.

 

After 20 minutes the front door opened. Changkyun wore only a hoodie and his soft black hair was covering his eyes.

 

"What happened Hyung?" He was out of breath

 

I slowly approached him...

 

"Did you take a shower?"

 

He nodded..

 

"Your hair is still wet and you only wear a hoodie. Are you out of your mind??? Do you want to get sick? Any attention problems?"

 

Changkyun lifted up his head to meet my eyes. He was somehow shocked..

 

"Hyung I-"

 

I interrupted him and came a bit closer

 

"We have to wake up at 7 o'clock . Do you know our schedule? Is it important to compose songs at this time?"

 

We were so close that our noses almost touched.. 

 

"Hyung.. I know our schedule. There was something I had to show them.. I just wanted to be right back.. I know you are my older brother and I know you care-"

 

And again I interrupted him.

 

"I'm not your brother! I'm also not your personal manager and your father. Just have some responsibility."

 

I pushed him against the wall but regretted it right away.. I was shocked by my own acts.. I tried to reach for Changkyun but Shownu got between us.. He pushed me lightly to the other side..

 

"Sit down! What's your fuc*ing Problem??? Changkyun is not a child!"

 

My eyes followed Changkyun and Minhyuk who was walking after him.. I closed my eyes for a few seconds.. 'What've I just done'.. 

 

Jooheon rubbed his eyes.. He seemed like he didn't want to believe what he just saw.

 

Before I could say something Changkyun and Minhyuk came back.. Changkyun smiled brightly.

 

"I'm going to sleep. I have to wake up a bit earlier because of my personal schedule but we'll meet at the show. Good night."

 

And I just hated that. I knew that Changkyun was feeling awful. That he probably won't sleep well because of what I just said and did. But he was acting all good. 

 

"What's the name of the show you attending?" Said Hyungwon 

 

"SBS 'Let's talk on air'.. Guess we'll fly around Seoul and hold a interview with the two MC's. That's it. It's going to be the first episode and yeah..  It's some 'maknae's special day"

 

The boys nodded but I couldn't do anything. I was still mad. But I still don't know why. 

 

"I'm also going to sleep." Said Hyungwon and walked away.. 

 

The mood in the room was pretty dark...   
Lastly only Jooheon and me were left behind... I played with my fingers to avoid his deadly glares..

 

"Why did you say that?"

 

I looked up to him.. Not really sure what he meant

 

"What did I say?"

 

He rolled his eyes..

 

"You said that he isn't your brother. My heart ached after you said that. Did you see his teary eyes? He froze in his place. We all were smashed by your words. Do you really see us as some work collegues??"

 

I widened my eyes. How could he think about such a possibility.. We are a family and of course all of them are my brothers... I was just mad at Changkyun and actually I didn't mean what I said.

 

"I was just mad. I really didn't mean it. You know how much I love you guys.."

 

Jooheon smiled weakly...

 

"Maybe you love us... but why are you so cold to Kyun?"

 

Cold? I never been cold to anyone. I follow some strict rules and since Shownu is a gentle leader I help him to look after the others. 

 

"Me? Cold..?"

 

Jooheon seemed annoyed.. He shook his head and pushed his hair out of his face..

 

"In the recording studio yesterday you told me that I did great.. I was really happy to be praised by you but after Kyun came out of the room you asked Hyungwon to praise Changkyun as well. Why? Why did you asked for something like that? Why did you talk about my great rap skills out of nowwhere.. Even after all the years we've been together. Why now? Why infront of Changkyun? Changkyun might not be a child anymore but he's still younger than us. I don't know if you know but there's something bad about him.. He never tells us how he's feeling. He never wants us to worry about him. You can't depress him like this. If you do this again I'll never trust you."

 

I saw him walking towards his room and I swallowed all the pain.. 

 

For a Moment I thought of my younger brother whose personality is similar to Changkyuns... Both of them have dark voices and their personalities seem to be also really dark.

 

When I was young I always wanted to protect my brother from all the people around him, from the world and even from myself. He was so precious to me but he avoided my efforts and my help. He was trying to stand on his own.. without any help or support. I saw him falling everytime but I couldn't approach him. He even hurted himself..  Sometimes when we were sleeping, he  ran away. Far away.. His excuse was always that he was meeting his friends. Even today I don't know how his 'close' friends looked like. I became more strict...more protective.. but somehow a bit intimitating.. I hurted him with my words.. to show him how hurtful it is since he was doing the same.. It wasn't right maybe but that was our kind of relation.  I couldn't let him disappear infront of my eyes..  I was afraid.. I know that he's living a happy life with his wife now but sometimes I just can't be sure. 

 

I've been like that because I love them.. I know I said.. 'I'm not your brother'..  But I didn't mean it... I... I know that's a big responsibility and even after all the years I knew that I never been a good older brother.

 

Tomorrow I will pull on Changkyuns hair.. bite his ear.. tickle him until he can't breathe but I'll kiss and hug him afterwards.. Telling him how much I love him. 

 

Because he's my brother after all...

 

I believe tomorrow will be a better day... 


	3. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS!! THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENTS!♡ Sorry for not replying!   
> The grand semester party and my dizzy head couldn't find tge right words to describe my happiness!
> 
> SOO THIS SPECIAL CHAPTER IS FOOR YOU! Thanks for reading♡

Slowly and reluctantly, I uncovered my face. I blinked, closed my eyes, and blinked again. Streaks of sunlight penetrated the window and blind me. I sat up, dragged my feet off the bed, and rubbed my knuckles onto my eyes. I stretched my arms above my head and yawned. I watched my legs dangle above the off-white polyester carpet.

 

The smell of waffles made me slowly get up and walk into the kitchen. I looked around.. There wasn't anyone except for Kihyun, who was happily humming a song from our new album..

 

"Wow that looks delicious"

 

I grabbed a waffle which he decorated with strawberrys and chocolate pieces..

 

"Huh, you scared me.. Why did you wake up..?"

 

I looked to the kitchen clock and saw that it was too early. I already guessed that since I woke up without any cursing from Kihyun..

 

"Yeah.. the waffles told me to wake up.."

 

He smiled..

 

"Probably.. or maybe you couldn't sleep because of the incident last night..?"

 

I shrugged.. Maybe that was right..  I was thinking about my weird acts the past days... and how I was gonna apologize..

 

"Did he get up?" I asked while putting a strawberry in my mouth

 

Kihyun nodded and filled himself a glas of apple juice..

 

"Yes.. His eyes told me that he was having the same sleep problems as you over the night.."

 

I sighed... 

 

"So he already left?"

 

Kihyun put a hand on my shoulder.

 

"Yeah and don't worry.. I told him that you love him..."

 

I rolled my eyes but honestly it made me really happy to know that Kihyun could read my mind...  
Before I could've asked what his response was, Hyungwon screamed while hiding behind me.

 

"There is a bug in our room!!!"

 

"IT'S A SPIDER" Minhyuk screamed from the other side..

 

"Hoseok Hyung we need your help!" Hyungwon put his hands on my back and pushed me to the room..

 

"You know that I won't kill any creature.." I whined..

 

"JOOHEON FUCKING STOP PLAYING WITH THAT SHIT"

 

I took a deep breath. I could live with either Jooheon or Minhyuk but both of them... the combination was a pain in the ass..  
The moment I looked into the room I saw Jooheon and Minhyuk fighting over the bed..

 

"THAT ISN'T 'SHIT'. HIS NAME IS ITZY BITZY SPIDER."

 

I closed my eyes and gave a quick look in Hyungwons direction..

 

"Where is it?" I whispered.. trying to ignore the noices.  
.

"Is Jooheon dating some girl from ITZY?" Kihyun joined our small morning party

 

"No, that's the name of the spider.."  
Hyungwon explained.. still hiding behind me.

 

I catched the small spider.. hold it in my palms and walked to the window..

 

"Hyung why?.. He was our new pet.." Jooheon complained but forgot all the things in a minute only after hearing that Kihyun made waffles..

 

I closed the window and walked again to the kitchen. They already sat around the table for breakfast.. Even Shownu woke up..  
I sat next to him and reached for the chocolate cream.. Sugar was all what I needed for a long and tiring day...

 

***

 

We were on Weekly Idol this morning and now driving to the award show..

 

I looked at Shownu. He was always looking really handsome in suits compared to me... I feel so uncomfortable in them... Guess I'm more the comfy boy.

 

The red carpet interview was over in an instant.. So we quickly walked inside and saw our beloved monbebes screaming and waving to us.. I bowed and smiled in their direction. We walked to our table and waited for the show to start..

 

An hour later I was watching the performance of our seniors BTS and smiled widely. They were just great as always. I looked around and my eyes catched our monbebes in the crowd, who got really excited the moment I waved to them. I was always thankful and happy just by seeing them and I just knew that every word and every expression was meaningless. My love to monbebes was beyond all of this. While our members were talking to eachother and to some of the seventeen members next table.. I've got a bit nervous. After a few performances it was our turn.. and our maknae wasn't anywhere to be seen. I rolled my eyes. Most of the time Changkyun was acting like a irresponsible kid. Of course he couldn't do anything about his personal schedule today but afterall he promised to be back on time and catch our well prepared stage performance for the golden disk awards. It would be a big failure if he doesn't show up on time since we didn't even practice the choreo without him.. I sighed in frustration and looked to Kihyun who was probably dividing my concern with me.

 

"I think we should call him.."

 

I nodded and watched him walking away to find a place to call Changkyun.

 

I was counting the performances.. There were only 3 performances left until ours. I suddenly felt hot in that suit and my hands were sweating.. I took a deep breath. I didn't even realised that Kihyun was back.

 

"I've called him 100 times, I guess.. but no response."

 

I cursed under my breath and saw how the old MC was walking with weak legs to the middle of the stage.. With shaking arms he brought the mic to his lips..

 

"Our honorable audience and beloved artists. Unfortunately we have to quit our award show right now. An accident happened next door on SBS new show and we lost our friends and artists. I want to send my condolences to all the families and our people and hope that all the beautiful souls will rest in peace"

 

After the cameras turned off I looked around.. confused by what the old man just told us. Suddenly the voices became much louder until a NCT member in the front screamed to the MC.

 

"Excuse me please. What's the name of the show."

 

And suddenly it was quite and I held my breath and stopped thinking. 

 

"Let's talk on air.' We just got the informatiom that a plane fell."

 

I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't. I saw how Kihyun and Minhyuk ran out of the room. Jooheon screamed.. Shownu pushed the people infront of him and ran after them.. Hyungwon grabbed my arm and at this moment a tear stroked my face...

 

"Changkyun..."

 

***

 

"Jooheon stop!!" Minhyuk screamed and stopped while trying to breath properly

 

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT STUPID MANAGER!! WHERE IS HE?!! HE COULD'VE TOLD US!" Jooheon yelled

 

Kihyun seemed as shocked as me.. Suddenly his face got pale.. Shownu realised it soon and got infront of him.. 

 

"Please calm down guys.. There is a taxi.. Let us get out here before our fans and others see our miserable state.."

 

We quickly got into the taxi.. The ride was deadly.. I put my phone out.. tapped all the numbers and called.. beep... beep... beep... ... ...

 

"He's probably still angry at me.. Hyungwon try to call him" I said.. When I looked up at him I saw him crying soundless... A lifeless look..

 

'Smol wolf' call again.. again.. again.. I didn't stop. I called him over and over again... 

 

"Stop this..." Minhyuk said ... taking my phone away.. " please stop this" he whispered...

 

I looked to Jooheon and touched his head to let him lean against my shoulder..

 

"He'll laugh at us.. He'll say 'Do you guys really thought that I've get into that broken plane..'"

 

Jooheon giggled but it was more like sobbing... I held him closer..  
When we got out I looked at the scene of the accident and swallowed. The smell of burnt and blood.. A lot of people built a circle around the place.. the police officers were holding people back.. warning them to stand behind the barriers.. I approached them.. I pushed some people.. walked to the front.. My eyes got watery seeing corpses who were covered in plastic blankets.. I took a step closer.. ignoring the people swearing at me.. The plane was not nearby but the damage, it cursed was hard to discribe... My breath hitched and I tried to walk closer but the barriers held me back..   
A golden ring next to a corpse got my attention.. It was sparkling because of the flashlights around.. I took a closer look.. It was not really visible but I could see the red rhinestones.. That was.... Changkyuns ring.. The one his mother gave him.  
I tried to cross the borders but an elder officer held me back..

 

"Son.. don't force me to choose violence"

 

I pointed to the ground..

 

"That's the ring of my brother.. Can you give me this please.."

 

He patted my head and showed a fatherly smile..

 

"We have to take all things for the first.. but I'll personally give it back to you allright.. but please stay there.."

 

I started crying. All the feelings I tried to kept inside were burning..

 

"Hyung.. Can you please at least show me the corpse next to the ring.." The officer looked to the ground.. Probably piting me..

 

"Kyun..." I whispered to myself..  
All this scene wasn't funny... The crying people and sound of sirens.. the screams and helpless faces.. The situation I was in, was so hurtful..

 

"Kyun..!" My voice got a bit louder.. Others were looking at me like I've got crazy.. I couldn't even see my members around..

 

"CHANGKYUN.." I screamed...   
"C-changkyun t-that's not funny.. Don't play with your hyungs like this.. come out now..." I sobbed. I sighed in pain. My vision got blurred by my tears.. and suddenly someone touched my shoulder and turned me around.. The person gave me a tight hug.. He said these few words I wanted to avoid the most..

 

"May he rest in peace. My condolences"

 

And the world shut down for a long looong moment...


	4. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorrry for making you sad! ;;(!  
> But thx for reading!  
> Hope you'll enjoy..

I shoved the person and broke away from his tight embrace. It was Mark from Got7..

 

"H-how can you say something like that... Did you see Changkyun...? Do you know anything?"

 

His eyes widened..

 

"No... but it was a plane accident.. not a car accident.. Furthermore the plane was under fire before it crashed.. so the possibility that one of the people inside is alive is like 1%.."

 

I shook my head.. Ignored him.. Changkyun would never leave his family and friends.. He would never leave us! No one has the right to tell me that Changkyun left us because of some accident... It was Changkyun..  his brother.. He would never leave.

 

I looked back and saw that the ring wasn't there anymore.. I closed my eyes.. I couldn't even look after a ring..   
A familiar woman voice catched my attention.. I walked to the left side and saw that Minhyuk was hugging Changkyuns mother.. The woman curled up on the ground.. crying... 

 

"Changkyun!!! Changkyun... He is still young... please just tell me that my little boy is allright.. ..."

 

Tears were falling to the ground.. I couldn't hold them back.. I was so desperated that I wished the ground would swallow me right now.. I pushed the thoughts away.. that was not the right moment to black out.. to ran away from responsiblities.. to hide from reality..   
Shownu grabbed my arm and dragged me behind him..

 

"One of the officers told me that they  brought all the people out of the plane.."

 

I looked up to him.. Not sure how to respond.. It was like skating on a really thin ice..I didn't want to break it and drown..  
Shownu probably read my mind..

 

"The people burnt.. so... it's.. like... y'know.... They couldn't Identify the indentity of some of them.. We have to wait.. "

 

I smiled.. Was that all? Waiting? For what? That some kind of magic will happen.. 

 

"Hyung. . " I whispered.. trying not to sound like a crying child..

 

"He's alive right?" I asked.. saw the small child inside me trying to break.. I felt so small.. so weak against the reality.. It hits me so hard that I could barely breath...

 

The other members except for Minhyuk who was next to Changkyun's mother were sitting together in a corner.. Some managers.. the Starship CEO.. and some other familar faces were around..

 

Shownu handed me a bottle of water and patted my head..

 

"I can swear that Changkyun is alive! There is no other option!"

 

I nodded.. thankful that he was looking after us like an older brother.. like a true leader.. holding us together.. At least to find energy from each others presence..

 

Our eyes were glued on the scene.. There were around 50 people from the medical team and almost as many police officers... running around the place.. holding some things between their bloody gloves.. trying to help... 

 

An officer held a redhaired woman in his arms.. some of the doctors came around.. I prayed for her.. Probably her family was waiting for her.. Maybe she had a son or a husband.. Maybe she had dreams to fulfill... I sighed..   
After a while the officer left the place and came back with another black plastic blanket in his hands...  I closed my eyes. To be honest I didn't want to see how they covered her up. The boundary between life and death was a single thin thread. In a moment you were alive.. in the next second: 'dead'. Life was cruel..

 

Another tear stroked my cheeks..I  looked around.. Some of the 'curious' people left the area.. It was already midnight.. Only the people who were longing for their dearest were sitting desperately on the ground.. Comforting each other.. even though the number of the covered corpses increased with each breath we took.

 

I didn't even realised that Minhyuk was sitting next to me until he layed his head on my shoulder..

 

"She fainted.." he said weakly.. Guess, he was talking about Kyun's mum..

 

I nodded.. I couldn't even form a sentence..

 

"She said she always feels the pain of her sons when they get sick or injured. Remember the time when Kyun and me were alone in the dorm because of our injury.. She visited us because she knew that something was off.."

 

I swallowed.. I could remember the time when Minhyuk told me the story..

 

"And now she fainted.... b-because... s-she couldn't.... handle the pain.."

 

I tapped his back rhythmically and handed him the water bottle Shownu gave me earlier..

 

"So if she felt pain.. Maybe Changkyun is in pain... but atleast he would be alive right?"

 

Minhyuk wiped his tears away..

 

"Right... Do you know?.. It's so hard to sit down like that.. To hold your mouth and watch all the scene while Changkyun is probably crying or bleeding to death.."

 

I really didn't want to imagine his state..   
Before I could say anything, the people around me panicked. They stood up and walked again against the barriers..

 

We walked to the crowd as well.. I saw after waiting for hours that the ambulance activated the red lights for the first time.. sirens filled our ears and with a high speed it drove away..

 

"Gosh! Someone is alive" A person screamed... Her voice was full of hope... 

 

Before the panicked situation got out of hand.. someone from the medical team ran to our direction..  
He removed his mouthguard and catched his breath..

 

"I'm really sorry for not coming earlier to inform you but we are still missing five people.."

 

I looked to Shownu.. He probably get wrong informations.. So there were still people who were missing..  
The young man continued..

 

"The fire around the plane was extinguished and the entire plane was searched but there were still spots we couldn't reach. Teams are removing parts of the aircraft right now.. We really hope that you'll have some patience.. For now I just can say that only one person could be rescued and he's seriously injured."

 

"Who is that person?" Kihyun asked.. He spoke after a long time.. 

 

"I can't give any detailed Information since we didn't get any information about the identities from the police officers.. but it's someone I know from the TV.. So I guess I can tell you this.. It's Ren of Nue'st.."

 

My eyes catched the members of Nue'st I overlooked before.. They were hugging eachother.. Changkyun told us that it was a 'Maknae's special day' on the show.. so there were a lot more idols in there.. I looked after them.. How they were walking to their cars.. with a clear mind and conscience.. 'their maknae was alive'... I smiled.. I was actually really happy for them..

 

The boy from the medical team left already.. My head ached.. I was always someone who couldn't get along with stress.. In comparison to my appearance, my heart is too weak..

 

The boys settled again on the cold floor but Jooheon was not around.. 

 

"Where is Jooheon?" I asked Hyungwon who seemed lost in his toughts..

 

"He threw up.. couldn't deal with the smell of blood in the air and corpses around.. He's hiding in the car.."

 

I nodded.. It was hard for all of us but especially  for Jooheon who loves Changkyun more than anyone else.. it was a lot harder..

 

With weak legs I walked around.. Smiling dumbly... 

 

"Chang.. I promise you I'll buy you everything you want. The computer game you wanted last time.. I promise I'll buy it for you. My green Jacket with the Monsta X symbol.. You borrowed it all the time so when you come back I'll give it to you.. I'll buy you a lot of snacks.. Hyung will love you a lot more allright? Hyung will kiss you a lot more.. I will hug and hold you tighter.. Hyung will be a better older brother, I swear.. You have to come back, okay??"

 

I talked to myself.. My voice shaked at the end of my speech...

 

Our Hongsik Manager brought us something to eat..

 

"You guys can go home and rest.. We can call you if something happens.."

 

He exactly knew our answers but he tried his luck anyways.. Another hour left and it got a lot colder.. or maybe I was feeling that way..

 

"Mrs. Yoon, we must tell you that one of the corpses is your husband Yoon Joohyuk. My condolences."

 

I saw that the officer handed her a plastic bag. There was a broken phone and necklace inside.. The woman broke down in tears after what she heard..  She cried out her husbands name.. I felt sicker with each second passed by...  
The officer walked to our side.. I stepped back.. afraid of what he might be telling us.. My eyes followed his moves.. He took a plastic back out of his bag... I started to cry again after I saw Changkyun's ring and Monsta X bracelet inside.. 

 

"Family of Im Changkyun?" 

 

Shownu came to the front and all the others followed him..

 

"Yes..." he sounded so weak and exhausted..

 

"It's hard to explain.." the man said.. trying to find the right words but continued immediately..

 

"According to SBS's plan, 27 people should be on the plane. These include cameramen, reporters, pilots, guests and so on... The number of corpses are 25.. one of the guests is badly hurt.. and the other one is still missing. We could assign each corpse a name.. but Im Changkyun was not one of them. He's also not the one in the hospital.. He's the one who's still missing.. There is no possibility that we couldn't find him and there is also no possibility that he wasn't on the plane since we found his valuables.. but we still don't know.. Our team will search all the area the plane flew.. I hope we'll find him soon.."

 

Was that good news or was that even more worse.. I don't know.. I couldn't think properly...

 

"What might happened to him" Shownu asked..

 

The officer shrugged..

 

"To be honest the possibility that he fell out of the plane or jumped is pretty high.. We all wish he didn't entered the plane but if he did than life is probably over for him as well.."


	5. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS! I READ ALL YOUR COMMENTS AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPYY! THANK YOU SO MUCHH!
> 
> Sorry for the delay but here's the new chapter hope you'll enjoy it!
> 
> Some of you asked me to add 'happy ending' or 'bad ending' in the description but it's a SeCrEeT Heheh!
> 
> Sorry kkk!! See yaaa!

Without waiting for a second Jooheon rushed to his room.. 

 

The other members shut their eyes after the door closed with full force. We looked at eachother..We were just speechless.. Only Shownu forced a smile and nodded while walking directly to Jooheon's room.. I sighed.. 

 

"You guys can rest a bit. Tommorrow is off. You don't have to face anyone after what happened.. and we know that the incident was a hard slap in the face.... Meet your families, friends or just rest tommorrow..", our manager said.

 

I didn't respond.. I didn't even know for how long I stood infront of the door. I couldn't believe that we came back without Changkyun by our side. We should've waited.. It was so cold outside.. Maybe he was freezing.. Probably he was around us but his voice couldn't reach us.. I should have ignored the darkness.. I should've searched for him.. 

 

"Could you be my roommate for today?" Minhyuk said but didn't look up at me.. His hands were trembling and he seemed nervous..

 

After noticing that we were both alone in the long corridor, I sighed. The thoughts I had to fight with, had taken me from the real world. Sometimes for a few seconds and sometimes for minutes which felt like an eternity..

 

I agreed.. Walked after him.. slowly climbed up the steps.   
Minhyuk and Changkyun's room was upstairs..

 

Minhyuk opened the door and let me in..

 

"I can't sleep alone.. Sorry for asking you.. but thank you anyways for the favour. "

 

I tried to smile. To be honest I never heard about that. It was even weird to hear since there were a few rare times Changkyun was in the dorm.. Minhyuk was always alone.. Of course most of the time he was complaining about that but he never mentioned that he was afraid..

 

"But you are always alone.. aren't you?" I asked.. He probably knew what I meant..

 

Minhyuk walked towards his bed and didn't even put his face-mask on. The purple one.. "The famous night mask", he usually never forgets to wear before going to sleep.. Minhyuk never really shows his sadness and always tries to cover it but today, he couldn't even fake a smile...

 

"I never told Kyun that I'm afraid.. but I think he already knows it.. Not really because I'm too obvious about that but more like.. hmm.. he's smart. Even though he is absent all day.. we always end the day together.. I would always try to sleep when I'm alone but fail everytime.. Then after he's back I pretend like I'm sleeping cause yeah.. I don't want him to worry much about me.. He would pat my head and say 'I love you too' Hyung.."  
Minhyuk giggled by the toughts but continued..

 

"But these days he wasn't that late.. so I could tell him that I love him and he always would respond.."

 

I swallowed and walked to Changkyun's bed.. I was so cold.. I felt so sick but I had to be strong for my members...

 

Minhyuk threw himself into the bed and quickly pulled the blanket over his head.. I could see the tears formed in his eyes.. the shaking lips and the tired glare.. but I didn't say anything.. My state was not really different..

 

"Goodnight Hoseok.. I love you.."

 

I closed my eyes.. A tear stroked my face.. On any other day I would laugh about these words and would tell him to stop talking like that... It would be cringy.. even gay.. or whatever.. but tonight it was full of desperation.. and I knew fully that this 'I love you' wasn't directed to me.. I only replaced the place today so he didn't have to feel lonely.. So it wasn't to clear that the bed was empty.. that the spot was cold.. that someone was missing..

 

"I-I love you too...", I stammered..

 

I layed down.. Changkyun's scent reached and embraced me.. For a moment I felt warm but even more weak.. Today was an exception and it should remain as one.. He had to be back before his scent goes away, before every single sign disappears, before Minhyuk gets used to my "I love you's" I turned my back to Minhyuk and looked at the wall.. The heartache I felt was so painful that breathing was nearly impossible.. I took the pillow under my head in my arms and hugged it tight.. I missed Changkyun... He might be a strong boy but he was still a baby in our eyes.. He was still my Kukkungie who acted like a big boss but was just a mature.. somehow a playful small child.. I sobbed quietly.. hiding my face under the pillow so Minhyuk couldn't hear it.. How could I sleep when I didn't even know if Changkyun was alive or not.. I didn't see what he was wearing when he left. He was small and tiny.. Hopefully he dressed warm.. Hopefully he didn't catch a cold.. Hopefully he is alive..  

 

My phone vibrated and a message popped up.. I reached for it and looked at the screen.. 79 missing calls..

 

"Mom♡: 'Hoseok did you find your brother?' "

 

"I'm not your brother! I'm also not your personal manager and your father. Just have some responsibility.", I remembered what I said earlier to him.

 

I couldn't stop my tears.. After thinking about that.. How many times did I say 'my brother' to Changkyun? How many times did I act like one? How many times was he patiently waiting for me to act like one? How it comes that I never showed my love towards him.. Why did I hide it so often? He was my younger brother.. A part of my life and my heart... My brother... there was no way I could live without him...

 

"Sorry mum... I... I failed.." I whispered while splitting into pieces..

 

***

 

A bright light tried to wake me up.. I was fighting against it but lastly gave in.. 

 

"Hyung.."

 

I widened my eyes.. It was Changkyun...

 

"K-kyun.."

 

I quickly pushed the covers and stood up to hug him... but he wasn't there anymore..

 

"Hyung...", he said.. Was he crying? His voice was extremely weak..

 

"Yes baby... I'm here.. Where are you?"  
I whispered.. tried not scare him.. I walked around the room.. and suddenly he appeared next to the mirror.. He was dressed in all white and looked like an angel.. 

 

"Why do you hate me Hyung...?"

 

I quickly shook my head and approached him

 

"I don't... I love you Changkyun... We all love you..."

 

He stepped back.. wiping his tears away..

 

"Please don't come closer.."

 

Was he afraid.. of me??? Maybe I was the reason.. Did I scared him? Why was he crying? Did he hurt himself?

 

"Hyung...  I knew since the first day we met that you never liked to be around me .. I was looking up to you Hyung.. You guys were much older than me but you didn't listen to me once.. I tought maybe the younger guys would hate me but you hurted me the most.. Now.. After years passed I know that you still hate me Hyung.. I know that I'm not a great rapper like Jooheon Hyung or have visuals like Hyungwon Hyung.. but it still hurts when you tell me this... What did I do wrong..?"

 

I couldn't close my mouth.. I was so shocked by his words that I stepped back.. Was he really feeling that way? Did I really compared him to others?

 

"Changkyun I never-"

 

He interrupted me and came closer and closer until he was inches away from me..

 

"Sometimes I felt like you like me.. sometimes when you would call me Kkukungie and hug me right after I felt warm.. I thought of you as an older brother..  but you made yourself clear Hyung.. I'm not that special.. I guess.. "

 

I hugged him.. tight.. but he was cold that I shivered..

 

"Please don't hate me" he whispered... "Please don't hate me" again.. "Please don't hate me" between his tears he whispered all over again... 

 

I closed my ears with my hands.. His voice became much louder with each second.. and for a moment he looked really angry.. His eyes turned red.. This was not the angelic look from earlier.. He just turned in a moment to a demon...  
Before he could grab me by my throat I pushed him and he fell.. but the sound was more like 'he crashed'.. The mirror broke into thousand pieces..

 

"C-changkyun"

 

He hid his face between his arms..

 

"Please don't hurt me.."!

 

There was blood.. His white dress turned red.. his fingers.. his head.. his leg.. I couldn't stare at him.. I looked down to my hands.. I was covered in blood as well... 

 

I hurted him again..

 

"I-I'm sorry..", I said..

 

He dissapeared..

 

"CHANGKYUN"

 

***

 

I suddenly opened my eyes and saw a concerned Minhyuk infront of me...  
I woke up drenched in sweat..

 

"Are you okay?, Calm down, it was just a nightmare", Minhyuk said.

 

It felt so real, so I was still looking around to check if Changkyun was around.

 

While I tried to calm down, Minhyuk suggested me to take a shower..  
I told him to go first and immediately he took his clothes and went towards the bathroom..

 

I took a last, deep breath before I walked to the kitchen to drink a glass of water..

 

I saw Kihyun in the middle of the messy kitchen surrounded by bunch of blueberry cupcakes.

 

Without disturbing him, I reached for a glass of water. When I was finished and put the glass in the sink I realised how red Kihyuns eyes were and how stressed out he was. Unlike Minhyuk, Kihyun had a habit of cooking or baking whenever he was sad or depressed. 

 

"Kihyun, aren't these enough?", I asked him..

 

These were the blueberry cupcakes, all of us hated except for Changkyun.

 

Kihyun didn't respond and poured the dough in the tray.

 

"Kihyun", I called him again..

 

He smiled weakly but continued with his work..

 

"He might be hungry..." he said..

 

I closed my eyes. That was exactly the moment were words lost their meanings.. I knew that I couldn't stop him from what he's doing. I couldn't stop his pain. I just couldn't make it better... 

 

Before he could put some milk for another portion of cupcakes I held his wrist.

 

"Kihyun, stop now! He won't eat this much!"

 

His eyes got watery and he looked straight in my eyes...

 

"You guys would eat the remaining ones, right?", he asked.. even though he knew we wouldn't.

 

I just nodded..

 

"But he'll eat at least one, wouldn't he? I mean these are his favourites, he continued..

 

I swallowed. He would never miss the opportunity to take a bite of these cupcakes, only if he was here.

 

He layed his head on my shoulder...  
he was crying quietly.

 

"Hoseok, just tell me.. How can I draw him to here? Tell me how!!"

 

I wiped his tears away, tried not to cry as well..

 

Before I could respond, Hyungwon interrupted the heavy atmosphere..

 

"GUYSSS, THEY FOUND CAMERA RECORDS OF THE SHOW!!"

 

Maybe we came closer to all the answers to our questions..   
I looked down to Kihyun and smiled..

 

"I'm sure, he'll come back and eat up all these cupcakes"


	6. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo! I really try to update every week but it's difficult dkjdjd!  
> Please Let me know what you guys think about the story and chapter  
> I enjoy to read your commis!  
> Lots of loooOoove!

"Let's go to the company then" Shownu stood up, looking at each of us for any reaction but I guess we were unsure of taking a step forward.. To face the people around us, the curious faces, the judging people and the desperated fans.. but beside all of that we were afraid. We were afraid of getting any bad information. Any hint that was going to lead us to our youngest made us feel uneasy.. All the questions with the beginning "What If-..." couldn't be answered.. but for me.. I were asking it to myself all over again and unfortunately all I could do was to shut the thoughts off.. cause it was filled with negativity

 

"Hey c'mon guys.. The CEO wants to talk about the camera recordings.. Maybe they will show us them.. " Shownu tried his luck again to get our attention..

 

Jooheon sighed..

 

"I'm not sure If I really want to see it.."

 

Silence.. I held my breath.. closing my eyes.. hiding my shaky hands under my tighs.. 

 

Even Shownu sat again on his seat.. For a moment he seemed helpless... His hand went directly to his hair and he pulled them.. taking short breathes while watching the floor with glassy eyes..

 

"Is it better to stay here??" he said.. His voice rough and full of authority

 

"Hyung.." Kihyun spoke.. trying to avoid any controversy.. but that didn't calm Shownu down so he talked again..

 

"Then I'm going by myself.. At least...  I-I want to take the opportunity to see Changkyun.. If I'm going to be honest maybe that's our last chance and I'm  really looking forward to watching him smile and laugh.. even If it's for a short moment.. Cause... " he stopped... wiping the single tear away..

 

"Cause I noticed that I didn't pay much attention to him lately... and... I'm afraid of forgetting his smile and the sound of his voice... "

 

It was weird to hear Shownu talking about his feelings.. It would always be hard for him to open up to us but now he was crying infront of us and letting us know about his emotions made me really emotional.. Since he was our leader, we sometimes forget that he can not always be strong.. That he has been in a lot of stress while looking after us these days.. Did anyone asked him how he was feeling? 

 

Minhyuk walked to him and hugged him tightly..

 

"Sorry Hyung for acting childish.."

 

He just nodded.. It was Shownu.. He could never be mad at us..

 

For a moment we didn't talk... only preparing ourselves for the whole day.. for all what will happen.. We were trying to find strength to walk out and face the reality.. 

 

And after a few minutes.. we stood up .. one by one and walked to the door.. I put my black mask and my sunglasses on, to cover my face.. We really looked pitiful..

 

***

 

The ride was quiet. Although it was very early in the morning, there were a lot of people standing in front of our company. Therefore we tried to drive as inconspicuously as possible to the back entrance, which was a bit hidden. 

 

Also the workers in the company looked at us full of sympathy, but also full of expectation. Unfortunately we could not give them a smile or say nice, hopeful words. After all, we did not know more than they did.

 

After we walked into the room.. I saw our CEO sitting behind the long table with a few managers around him..

 

He pointed with his hand to the chairs. After we took a seat he begann to speak

 

"To be honest I don't want to hold a long speech infront of you. Of course I know how you're feeling and that it isn't easy to take but I'm sure you guys are strong, especially when you're together. So hopefully you will go through all this together and stay strong. No matter what.. we will always be by your side. Now.. coming to the actual point.. SBS informed us that they have a 5 minutes record but for now they only shared it with the police.  
They rejected our request and said that they will show us the recording under one condition. This would be that they are interviewing you and asking you a few questions about Changkyun and thereafter you could watch the video, but only if you agree to them recording your reaction while watching."

 

I widened my eyes.. It was the fault of SBS that the plane fell and many people inside died. How could they just use this incident for ratings and views. This was insane..

 

"So they want to film how we're crying over a record. So they can make money?!" Kihyun asked in disbelief..

 

The CEO sighed..  
"That's right but you don't have to do it. We can wait until the police shows us, but I don't know how much time it'll take since they peruse and keep everything they find.."

 

" We'll do it!" Hyungwon said and we all nodded.. I could do it.. If answering to questions and shedding tears were all they needed.. I could do it. As long as we come closer to our Changkyun.. everything was fine. 

 

While walking down the steps I could already hear the people outside.. They all gathered together. Maybe someone informed them after watching us entering the company. Even the back entrance was blocked by the people standing infront of the door.  
With the help of our managers and some employees of our company.. we managed to open the door.

 

"Oppaa!! What happened to Changkyun Oppa!"

 

"Is Changkyun dead??"

 

"Hyungwon'ah, Mihyuk'ah.. don't walk away! What are you guys hiding."

 

All the voices around me were getting louder with each step I took.. The crying people, the people who were trying to hold us back and all this screams made me feel dizzy.. Before I reached the car a tiny black haired girl catched my attention. Compared to the people around her.. she was calm somehow frozen on her place.. looking directly in my eyes.. Her red eyes were holding me back.. trying to explain me something.. suddenly she whispered weakly..

 

"You are too late.." 

 

And before I could react I was pushed into the van.

 

***

 

"Wonho... I can't even hide your dark circles with make up.."

 

I smiled..  
"Sorry noona.. but that's fine.." I quickly thanked her with a small bow after she finished my hair and make-up..

 

"Last 4 minutes.. " someone yelled.. So we were getting closer to the recording. I just hoped that the interview wouldn't be so long. I looked to my members and saw how nervous they were.. For a moment I stood on my place and took a long, deep breath.. I already felt like crying

 

Everyone gathered together in the studio.. It made me extremely mad that the MC was brightly smiling at her sheets.. She was probably going to attack us with her questions..

 

A light flickered and the dramatic show started.. The MC put her 'I'm sad' mask on and talked first of all about the accident that happened. I tried not to get remembered of what happened.. She continued while asking us to introduce ourselves.. For now everything was allright but of course it didn't last long.

 

"How are you feeling right now?"

 

'Great' I thought.. really great.. They probably spend a lot of time to came up with such great questions.

 

" We are really sad but also hopeful. We believe that we'll find Changkyun as soon as possible and till then we will try to stay strong for him, our fans and families." Shownu answered..

 

"That's great. I don't know I.M personally and I'm sure I'm not the only one.. so could each of you tell us something you like the most about him?"

 

Kihyun who was sitting next to the the MC get a bit nervous. 

 

"I... like a lot of things about him.. but especially the fact that he is a contact person to each of us and comforts and spreads love to us.. eventhough he is the youngest makes him a lot more lovely."

 

I smiled.. I was sure that Kihyun missed that the most.. The boy who held his  brothers always together with his clever words and a big smile..

 

"Oh, he's mature. So what are you thinking about Hyungwon'shi..?" The MC asked again

 

Hyungwon thought about it for a while..

 

"Like Kihyun said.. there is alot. What I'm going to tell you might also be really simple but that's what I really like about him and miss these days.. It's his smile. The only smile that makes me really happy."

 

I turned from all the cameras and looked to Jooheon next to me.. He was playing with his fingers.. just about bursting into tears..

 

It was Shownu's turn.. His answer was Changkyun's voice..  he was jealous of that and would love to have his voice, because it was calming..

 

Minhyuk smiled.. A tear stroke his cheek.. The first tear for today.. 

 

" I just love him... I don't know.. I love him for what he is."

 

The MC still smiled and pointed to Jooheon...

 

"He is a great dongsaeng. He's like a friend to me and we trust each other. I like when he's leaning against me when we're writing our rap parts.."

 

I nodded... Now it was my turn... What should I tell her.. 

 

"I like that he's pretty. He always says that he doesn't hear that often. He has a pretty face, he's pretty inside and outside.. Our Kkukungie is pretty.."

 

My voice trembled at the end... I just wanted to go home and cry..

 

"Okay I don't want to burden you with my questions anymore.. so let's watch the recording from the show 'Let's talk on air' together.."

 

I swallowed and closed my eyes for a few seconds.. I prayed that I won't see him there.. That for any chance he didn't entered the plane on that day.. It was stupid.. since he was lost for a few days but I just hoped

 

"Let's talk on AİİR!! Here we are! MC Donghyuk and Kyujoon! We are around 9 kilometers high from the ground and these are our young and special guests.."

 

There he was.. waving to the camera.. wearing a pink oversize hoodie.. 'How cute' I thought.. All those happy faces that could not have guessed that these were their last minutes.. last smiles, last breath.. How painful..

 

"We are the maknae's of our groups.." a young boy said.. I didn't know who he was but he was for sure younger than Kyunie.. They probably debuted not long ago.. poor boy.. may he rest in peace..  
I watched our Kyunie.. he hadn't much screentime.. he was more the quite boy.. They were talking about pros and cons of being a maknae.. All of the 4 boys were so cute.. After each response they were apologizing to their hyungs and laughing right away about their own savage answers..

 

" I.M, which member cares the most about you...?"

 

Changkyun pretended like he was thinking..

 

" Actually all of them!" He said confidently

 

" But we need just one name!" The MC said.. not really satisfied about the answer he get..

 

Changkyun pinched his eyebrows and scratched his head..

 

"Hmm Minhyuk Hyung would borrow his jacket when it's too cold.. He shows his love with hugs and kisses.. He really cares about me.. Shownu Hyung is the quite type. He doesn't like to show that he's caring but he does. He would quietly put more rice and meat on my plate.. he would prise me about the smallest things.. he's like a dad and Kihyun Hyung is like a mom.. He comes to my room at midnight.. just to look after me.. if I put the blanket over me or If I was just sleeping well.. He would also cook for me at anytime... Hyungwon Hyung is lazy.. he likes to cuddle with me, but we also have the same music taste so he buys me a lot of albums and takes me to concerts.. Jooheon Hyung and I.. we're inseparable.. If I'm in trouble or just need to talk to someone.. I call Jooheon Hyung.. He is like a bestfriend and a brother at the same time.. he would listen to me at any time.. He also cares alot..."

 

He suddenly stopped after that.. He got teary... I just wanted to punch myself.. I just knew that he couldn't say anything about me.. I was sure that he felt miserable for letting me out.. but it was my fault.. I was shit! I should have been a better Hyung.. What had I expected after pushing him against the wall and telling him that I was not his brother...

 

"The one who cares the most.. is Wonho Hyung.. Hope the other Hyungs wouldn't be mad at me but Wonho Hyung always tells me that I look like his younger brother.. Sometimes when I come back from my studio I see him sleeping on the couch cause he'll wait for me all the time.. On some days when I'm coughing I would find cough drops in my bag.. He often takes me to the gym telling me to gain some weight.. he also carries my bag sometimes.. but he also makes me laugh so easily.. Wonho Hyung compares me to Jooheon Hyung so I can improve my rap and tells me that even Hyungwon Hyung is exercising.. He always motivates me to do something.."

 

Suddenly Changkyun cried and the other boys hugged him...

 

"Ohhhh why??? What's wrong?" The shorter MC asked...

 

"I'm just really sorry to Hyung, because he's stressed out lately because of me, but I promise I'll make it up to him.. If you watching this Hyung... I love you and I'm sorry!"

 

I didn't realised that I cried until all the people in the studio were looking at me... I just wanted to hug Changkyun..  I was the one who was supposed to apologize.. but before they could move on to the next question the turbulence started..

 

"What's wrong?" The MC asked.. and with every second it got worse.. suddenly only screams filled the room.. falling cameras... and then it was black...

 

"Changkyun" I screamed.. and my only wish was to die right there.. 

 

"You are too late" I remembered the words of that girl from earlier...

 

"CHANGKYUN" I screamed again against the screen.. I don't want to be too late...


	7. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HellOooo It's your girl Ley! Soo here I am ! First of all THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! You guys are amazing!
> 
> An unexpected chapter is waiting for u! Enjoy.

[ONLY FOR THIS AND THE NEXT CHAPTER.. WE'RE OUT OF WONHO'S POV ;) ]

 

Juyeon POV.

 

I'm Juyeon, 25 years old. I live in Suwon, one of the most beautiful places in the world. Suwon is about 40 kilometers away from Seoul. The place where the eastern gate of the ancient Joseon king, the Hwaseong castle is. Suwon is the best example of the harmony of past and present in Korea. I live in a village attached to the Shinsan temple. Shinsan temple is a buddhist temple. Being close to the temple and praying every day makes me happy. As a person who devoted her life to buddha, it is my duty to walk the path he has shown us. I've never been to town in 25 years. The city people who were visiting the temple are really different from us. Not only their religions,  but also the things they use, the vehicles they board, the clothes they wear. We are not interested in them in any way. We do not use mobile phones like them, we also don't have electricity and accordingly light . We're using our morning sun to finish our work in the morning and we sleep early. If I'm awake at night, I have to light the candles. We don't have cars. We can walk to every part of the village. We have horses to go up to the temple .. The clothes we wear are not special ..  We're wrapping orange and white fabrics around our bodies .. Most of our men are bald .. the women have long hair, which they always wear as a plaited braid. Yes .. we seem to live in the old time..  
I've told you a lot of nice things about Suwon, but I didn't even visit Suwon myself. There are books and novels that are over 100 years old  .. There are stories about how special and beautiful places Suwon and Seoul are. I really love to read. I thought for once to live anywhere else then Shinsan but I'm sure I won't find peace there ... and I don't want to set foot in a world where people do evil things and lie to each other. Actually, I'm happy and thankful to the life I live.

 

I waved to my mum..

 

"I'm going to the waterfall.. to wash myself and afterwards I'll spent some hours in the temple.."

 

She nodded quietly and smiled

 

"Hope your voice will reach Buddha.. darling.."

 

After I packed my bag .. I walked to the stall that was right next to our hut. There we had some horses, which we shared as villagers. Without our horses it would be really difficult to walk up to the temple..  
My eyes searched for my lovely 'Shun'. He was prettier, stronger and faster than any other.. but especially the fact that we were a perfect team made me extremely proud.. 

 

The moment I saw him I quickly jumped around my place out of joy .. I put some carrots out of my bag and watched him for a while.. He had to gain some strength before we could start a tiring day.. 

 

While walking out of the stall with Shun by my side.. an unfamiliar voice called after me..

 

"Ma'am.. Excuse me please.." 

 

I slowly turned around and saw a boy around my ages.. He seemed 'dead'.. He was really pale and his eyes were bloody red.. Did he cried a lot? Was he sick?.. His purple lips and tired glare gave me goosebumps.. 

 

" Y-yes?"

 

He smiled weakly and approached me but I quickly stepped back.. We shouldn't be near strangers..

 

"Do you look for the Shinsan temple..? You have to walk up the street for 1 1/2 kilometer.. You are currently in the Shinsan village.. but we don't accept any visitors here.."

 

The boy shook his head and looked around..

 

"No.. I was already there.. but actually I want to donate for the temple.. They told me that the people from the Shinsan Village are responsible for the temple.. so I just wanted to ask you.."

 

To be honest he looked like one of those rich kids and we don't need their money.. We don't need their pitiful glares as well..

 

"Sorry we don't accept any donations. We don't need that."

 

The boy tried to approach me again..

 

" Please.. I-.. It would be really great if you could make an exception.."

 

Suddenly I felt angry and turned away to get up on Shun but the boy held my wrist..

 

"P-please.. My grandfather would always come here to pray and he would always tell me that all his wishes would be fulfilled.. 'Shinsan is a place of dreams' he said... and please let me do something for this great place, which my grandfather always admired.."

 

I flinched and hid myself behind Shun..

 

"Don't touch me!! I won't make any exception! This is not a place to hope that wishes come true! If that is your goal than please don't visit this place again.. What do town-people like you want? More money? A big house?... "

 

He fell to his knees.. started crying.. I didn't really understand why he was acting like that. I wasn't even that cruel.. It was just a fact.. For a moment I wanted to hold his hand.. help him to get up.. If he would cry a bit more I was sure that small blood drops would fall to the ground instead of tears.. 

 

" Y-you're r-right..." he stammered between his sobs.. 

 

" I have a wish.. I want to find my brother... There is a big possibility that he died.. and ... and... At least I want to find him. He is small and tiny... has a pointed nose and small lips.. He never did anything bad to anyone.. He was loved.. and... yes.. I.. I have to make sure that he at least rests in peace.. Is it too much to ask if I just want to keep him between my arms again and apologize to him.. "

 

I couldn't respond.. I was just looking down to him.. watching him cry out his soul.. I felt sorry.. and probably I was the one who could understand him the most.. I knew how it felt like to lose your sibling.. a part of you..

 

"Hey Juyeon.. What are you doing here? Is everthing fine?" One of our elder brothers Jisung stood next to me.. His eyes wandered from the boy to me..

 

"Everything is fine Jisung.. He just wants to donate to the temple.."

 

Jisung widened his eyes..

 

"What? Don't you know that we don't accept any donations?"

 

I watched the boy.. looking at me full of expectations...

 

"I know.. but that's an exception.. please take him to our place and help him by the process.."

 

I heard a weak ' Thank you' but I shrugged it off and walked away.. My younger sister died at the age of 7.. just because of high fever.. Altough we had a lot of people in the village who had a few medical experinces.. It wasn't enough.. Maybe.. Maybe if she was being treated in one of the hospitals in the city, she would be by my side today.. 

 

I wiped my tears away.. The waterfall was already in sight.. I quickly jumped down from Shun and looked for my homemade soap in my bag..  
The weather was ice cold and I really didn't want to imagine how cold the small creek was.. Most of the people would take some water home to bowl it before taking a shower.. but I was lazy. I held the soap and comb in my hand.. After I stood infront of the creek I shut my eyes.. It was going to be so cold but I couldn't step back after coming all the way up here.. Without thinking twice I jumped.. and yeah.. it was exactly as I had imagined .. I let out a small scream.. but I tried to swim as calm as possible to the middle . I moved with all my body to stay on the water surface and soon I felt warm enough to calm down and wash myself..

 

While I was enjoying the smell of soap and the sound of the waterfall.. 'Something' touched my feet.. I was not a scared person but it was somehow strange.. There wasn't any fishes or seaweed.. and again.. I felt something against my leg.. I didn't want to panic.. Probably one of the kids from the village threw something into the creek.. I slowly put my arm down into the water.. After a while I touched it again.. but.... but it wasn't an object !! I pulled it up.. and all I could do was to scream.

 

"AHHHHHHHHH"


	8. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AFTER THIS CHAPTER.. ONLY 2 CHAPTERS WILL BE LEFT..  
> I'm reaaally sad but I had a great time by reading & enjoying your comments..  
> As always I want to thank you guys!  
> The coming chapters will be sad ;(  
> but I won't spoil you how the final will be ;)
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment^^ Lots of lovee
> 
>  
> 
> (Also for the coming last 2 chapters we are back to Wonho's perspective)

I couldn't believe my eyes...  
it was a body or maybe even a corpse..

 

I tried to calm down a bit, at least until I got him out of the water.

 

I didn't know how he got here or how long he stayed underwater..  
I was sure he wasn't from Shinsan because he looked like from the town.

 

For a moment I felt like I was in a historical drama.. As if I had found a soldier killed by a sword and thrown into the water..  
But that was not the case...

 

While I was quickly putting on my clothes I realised that my mouth was still open as I looked at the young man infront of me.

 

It seemed like most of his bones were broken and some of them even sticked out..  
He didn't look humanely; his skin was purple with a lot of scratches and he was ice-cold. 

 

I slowly wiped the waterdrops out of his face and checked if he was breathing.. As expected there was neither a single breath nor any movement..

 

I started panicking..

 

"H..H-eyy, how did you get here? You aren't dead, right??"

 

Desperately I began yelling..

 

"YOU CAN'T DIE LIKE THAT!! YOU'RE STILL SO YOUNG.. PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES!!"

 

I knew that all my efforts were useless.. so I decided to ask for help by taking out my flute.  
Every single villager owns a small flute to get in touch with others whenever there is an emergency..

 

I turned back to him and noticed there was something in his pocket..

 

Without waiting for a second, I reached for his pocket and found a wallet.. Allthough everything in it was drenched.. I took out his identity card.

 

"Im Changkyun.. sooo you're younger than me. You have to call me noona when you wake up, alright?", a tear stroked my face while whispering..

 

If my sister was still alive, she would be the same age as him.  
After so many years I felt like an older sister again but unfortunately this great feeling of being a sister didn't last long.. I was afraid that the weak boy would also die in my arms..

 

I caressed his hair..

 

"Changkyun'ah... Noona won't let you die... I promise.."

 

***

 

[Wonho POV]

 

"What's that sound?" I asked.. looking up to the man next to me..

 

The man named Jisung panicked a bit.. 

 

"Thanks for the donation.. You can leave the village now and please don't try to come over again.. This isn't a place to visit." he said and pointed to the door..

 

"Yes... but are you fine? You look pale.."

 

The man just nodded..

 

"This sound was an alert message.. I have to go.. So you have to leave immediately.. "

 

Before I could respond he walked out of the room.. I didn't know why but I followed him.. 

 

"I said it's an urgent matter! Just leave now!", he said harshly..

 

Maybe I was really out of place and a burden to them, so I left...

 

***

 

[Juyeon POV]

 

Jisung and a few others were running to our side...

 

"Juyeon what happened, are you fine???"

 

His worried face caught my eyes.  
Even though I felt like crying, I had to be strong..

 

"I found him in the creek! Don't ask me how he got there, let's just bring him to the head monk as soon as possible!!"

 

Jisung winced while watching the tiny boy in my arms..

 

The others who followed Jisung brought a wooden board with themselves.. in case someone was hurt..  
With the help of Jisung the other boys put Changkyun carefully on the board. I started crying after seeing the limp boy, which already looked like he gave up.

 

Before they started walking I remembered the words of the guy from earlier that day..

 

"I have a wish.. I want to find my brother... There is a big possibility that he died.. and ... and... At least I want to find him. He is small and tiny... has a pointed nose and small lips.. He never did anything bad to anyone.. He was loved.. and... yes.. I.. I have to make sure that he at least rests in peace.. Is it too much to ask if I just want to keep him between my arms again and apologize to him.. "  

 

I swallowed and held Jisung's wrist..

 

"Stop.. did... did he left?"

 

Jisung looked confused..

 

"Who..?"

 

"The guy who asked for donation. Did he wrote down his name? The boy said he missed his brother."

 

He took the identity card out of my hand and read out his name..

 

"Im Changkyun... No! The other guy had a different surname and by the way he already left."

 

I closed my eyes and sighed..

 

I got on my horse Shun and followed the others..

 

After a few minutes, we reached the temple where our head monk usually spends his time..

 

"PLEASE HELP US!", I screamed.

 

It was Sunday. Sundays the visitors could only visit the temple in the morning.. the temple was silent and everyone was already gone except for a few monks..

 

They surrounded Changkyun who was placed in the middle of the table..

 

I quickly explained the situation but they seemed to be a little skeptical since he was a stranger..  
The head monk was looking at his wounds and tapped his body rhythmical while whispering a few words that I didn't understand..

 

He scrunched his eyebrows and looked up to me..

 

"Two days..", he whispered.

 

I approached him..

 

"Excuse me?" ... I was confused.

 

Somehow it seemed like I was the only one who didn't understand what he was meaning since the others just nodded as a sign that they knew what he meant..

 

"He has only 2 days left.." he said and walked away without looking back.. The other monks were already following him but I couldn't let them go..

 

"No!! Please stop! If you can't save him.. at least we have to bring him back to his family."

 

One of the monks turned back. He looked angry. 

 

"Wait till tommorow. Some visitors will take him to the hospital."

 

How could he be so heartless? All of them.. Was it all what they can do? Looking at his scratches and then let him suffer.. This is not what humanity should look like.. 

 

When I got rid of my thoughts I realised no one was around me except for Jisung and Changkyun..  
Jisung seemed to be shocked as well.

 

I walked to Changkyun..

 

"H..Heey Changkyun-ah, noona will keep her promise.. just endure it a bit more!", I said and left a small peck on his head..

 

I looked pitiful while crying but for now that was the only thing I could do..

 

"Jisung I have to leave Shinsan!"

 

He was perplexed at my sudden decision..

 

"You know that you can't leave Shinsan... don't try to break our rules for a stranger-"

 

I interrupted him by yelling..

 

"LOOK AT ME.. I LOST MY SISTER BECAUSE IT WAS FORBIDDEN TO GO OUT.. WE COULDN'T TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL! BUT THIS BOY ISN'T EVEN FROM HERE! WE CAN'T LET HIM DIE!!"

 

I carefully tried to lift up Changkyun on my back.. My legs already felt weak but I couldn't give up. I was only focused to get him out of here so I ignored all of Jisung's words..

 

I was already near the gate when Jisung screamed..

 

"If you ever try to leave Shinsan, you might not be able to come back.. Are you sure you want to leave your mother behind?? Now she will suffer because of your actions.."

 

I tried not to think about the consequences.. For once I wanted to be strong.. For once I wanted to be proud of myself.. 

 

I had to open the gate, so I let Changkyun down..  
When I came back.. I waited a few seconds to catch my breath.

 

"Changkyun-ah.. do you know, I have a feeling that many people are waiting and praying for you. You're so pure and lovely. You're being so loved, right? Do you know the creek under the waterfall has a story.. Years ago when the Joseon King sat there, he told his son that some people, even though they had the worst injuries and were beaten to hell, couldn't die because there was something holding them alive.. Sometimes it was all because their souls were restless, sometimes they only needed a smile, a word or even just a small gesture to let them rest in peace.

 

I wiped my tears away and continued..

 

And I'm sure that there is someone or something that keeps you alive.. Even if it's just an 'I love you' or 'I'm sorry'. They said you only have two days to live. If you survive after these two days, make sure to visit noona!"

 

I smiled and held him tighter..


	9. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys mad??? I'm soo sorry for not updating.. Here I am now and hopefully you are happy to see an update again..♡

The officer looked to the young man infront of him.

 

"How did she look like?"

 

He scratched his head and bit his lower lip.

 

"She wore a weird dress, she was tiny and looked exhausted. To be honest I remember that my aunt wore a similar dress, everytime she went to the temple in our town. The young woman seemed out of place and afraid. While waiting for the bus, I realised that she was really sceptical to approach me. I couldn't ask her more questions. The only thing she said was that the young boy, she carried all the way, was a stranger she found in a creek. She begged me to take care of him and take him to the hospital as soon as possible. I wasn't sure what to do, but after I saw this boy, I immediately recognized him as the missing idol, everyone was talking about. At this moment I just wanted to help."

 

The officer nodded after writing a few important notes.

 

"That's enough. Thank you very much."

 

***

 

"Hoseok Hyung... Eat!" 

 

Kihyun said and I immediately stopped playing with my food. I put the spoon carefully next to my plate..

 

"I'm not really hungry.." I whispered.. 

 

"Stop!! Please stop! Do you want to end up like Hyungwon??" his voice got louder with each word and I felt bad for burdening him...

 

"It's not that I stopped eating or drinking like Hyungwon. I just eat less.."

 

Shownu shook his head.. The members around the table were quiet. It wasn't something usual, but after Changkyun's absence we somehow got used to the silence.. 

 

"You lost as much weight as Hyungwon. The only difference is that Hyungwon was even before really tiny. So after he didn't eat anything for the past days.. he just... you know.. couldn't take it anymore. Since we couldn't take care of him, he returned to his parents.. we have to wake up!"

 

Shownu explained with a trembling voice..

 

I quickly nodded, reached for the spoon and tried to swallow all the food. Altough I felt like crying and throwing up, I ate as much as I could, since worring my members was the last thing I wanted to do.. 

 

Suddenly the front door swung open with full force and the manager ran to our side.  
The elder man catched his breath while watching our curious faces. A relieved smile was all he could show us.

 

"Hyung?" Shownu looked up to him. Even though the manager was smiling, he also looked like he was going to break down in a second. I was ready to stand up, but my concern didn't last long, as the man chuckled and wiped his tears away.

 

"Get ready boys. Your brother is waiting for you." he said, waiting for our reactions..  
The spoon fell out of my hand. I used the silence to realise what our manager said and before I could even react, the members ran out of the door. I remembered the time at the music award show, where we were happily waiting for our performance, but unfortunately the day ended in horror with the news of a plane crash. I remembered how my members stormed out of the door, crying for our youngest in desperation.. I remembered how I couldn't breathe, how scared I was. Our situation was something similar now, but the only difference was that they ran out with a smile on their face and a light of hope and relief.

 

I put my head on the table.. I was the only one left back on the dining room, so I decided to calm myself a bit. The few seconds of silence helped me at least to put all the weight off my shoulders. It helped me to breathe again after a long time. My chest clenched at the imagination of his face, his smile, his voice, him. I squinted my eyes and cried in pain.

 

"K-kyun..." I sobbed, holding the table tightly.. I prayed every day, but it always seemed like it'll never happen. As the day will never come and he'll never be back. So afraid that nobody was going to hear my voice and my screams. On some days I felt my hope was fading away and I fought with myself. I've never wanted to give up..

 

Never. 

 

-

 

Kihyun put his hand on my shoulder.

 

"I've called Hyungwon.. He's on the way.." he smiled.

 

I smiled back, looked around me. Changkyun's family, the members and managers gathered together, waiting infront of the emergency room. The white walls of the hospital were intimitating me. I didn't speak much, there was nothing to talk about. There wasn't even a moment to breathe. I was waiting, waiting to hear that he was OK, he was fine, everything was over. Until then, there was no talking, no breathing and no moving.  
I felt fingers touching my head, playing with my hair strands. Probably it was a nice gesture to calm me down. I looked to my side and saw how Changkyun's mom was smiling at me. 

 

"Everything will be fine." she whispered.

 

I nodded and hoped she was right. 

 

"Why did the surgery took so long? It's been 6 hours." Shownu Hyung said and stood up. He looked impatient and nervous.

 

Before anyone could respond Jooheon got infront of me and pointed to the empty bottle in his hand.

 

"Hyung can you help me get a few bottles of water?" he said.

 

I gave the elder woman next to me an assured smile and patted her knee. After that, I followed Jooheon in silence.

 

"Your mood fell dramatically, Hyung. Are you okay?" he asked. His state was not really different from mine.

 

"I don't like hospitals and I'm a bit scared.." I looked down at my feets.. felt like crying.

 

"Oh c'mon Hyung. You're the one who never once lost hope, who never forgot to mention how strong our Kyunie is and beside Shownu Hyung, who was sometimes dealing with his own mind, 'You' were holding us tightly together. Because of you we were never scared." he met my eyes and chuckled. His strong arms embraced me.

 

"Thanks Heon.." I tried not to cry.  Jooheon sensed my shaky voice, broke the embrace and chuckled..

 

"Whatever Hyung. To be honest there is something I want to tell you. Do you remember the day before the accident? The day Changkyun came late from his studio and you got mad. That was also the day I got mad at you for treating Changkyun the way you did. I regret the way I talked to you and all the stuff I said. I'm sorry Hyung. You're a Hyung, Kyun and I rely on, when it gets hard. At the Broadcast where we watched the recording, Kyun said that you own a really special part on his heart. I'm sorry.. I was.. just so mad at this time."

 

I stopped walking and so he did. He sobbed quietly without looking at me. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him against my chest. Jooheon was indeed a baby, also the one who was the most affected after the accident. He stopped talking, refused going out.. and a lot more. 

 

"Hey.. I know.. You know that I won't get mad at you guys, right? I love both of you so much. " Jooheon clasped my waist. 

 

"Hyung.. You prayed so much, you worked so hard, you believed in him, you suffered a lot.. Thank you, Hyung. You did well." I could feel how my shirt was soaked in tears. It was fine. I didn't care, I was silently crying with him..

 

After minutes we turned back with some bottles and handed them around. 

 

Kihyun watched us with a frown

 

"Are you okay?" 

 

Both of us cracked a weird laugh.. 

 

"Of course".. I said and sat next to Minhyuk, who was daydreaming again..

 

I was about to ask him how he was doing, but the door of the emergency room opened and the doctor walked to our side.

 

I held Minhyuk steady, even though my whole body was shaking.

 

"Mr. Im's family, right? Nice to meet you. First of all I want to say that we couldn't inform you earlier about his state. It wasn't an easy surgery, as you can imagine, but we did our best. His state is stable, but he'll never be the same again. 85% of his bones are broken, a big demage on his head. He was going through a celebral hemorrhage. We can't believe that he survived such an accident. For me it's impossible, but miracles happen. For now our only wish for him is to wake up."

 

Changkyun's dad approached the middle aged man.

 

"So.. he's in coma?" 

 

"Yes." The doctor nodded and continued. " The emergency hall is filled with infectious and seriously injured patients. Please return home tonight and come back tomorrow. Until then we'll change his room and you will be able to visit him. I can assure you that he won't wake up tonight. If something happens we'll call you immediately "

 

We all nodded and the doctor left our side. Altough we didn't want to leave, we had to. So with heavy steps we walked to the exit. I quickly looked back and smiled.. "We'll be back Kyun.." I said and turned around. Everything was going to be alright. Maybe Changkyun won't be standing on the same stage with them anymore, maybe he wouldn't even be able to walk or move, but I was determined to do everything for him,  to make him smile again and help him on his feets. 

 

***

 

I was lying on my bed, looking at the ceiling. I couldn't sleep. My mind was filled with worry and concern. I was afraid that I would miss a call from the hospital. Hours passed and I realised that I spent so much time reading articles and comments about the news. "A true fighter", "Changkyun? He's gonna make it!", "A survivor!". I smiled. He made everyone proud again. We all knew that he was a strong boy. Altough he sucked at arm wrestling, he was mentally and physically really strong. After I put my phone aside, I closed my eyes. I was extremely exhausted, but promised myself that I won't sleep. My goal was just to close my eyes for a few minutes, but suddenly Changkyun appeared in front of my eyes. He was dressed in all white, looking like an angel. Somehow it remembered me of my first dream after the incident. Just the thought of that scared me. I could open my eyes, but I refused to do so, since the picture infront of me was calming me down and making me happy. 

 

"Hey Kyun" I waved at him. He was standing at the other end of the street.

 

"Hey Hyung. " he smiled and waved as well.

 

"Why don't you come over?" I asked and raised my voice. There was so much between us. Altough I could understand him clearly, it felt like he was thousand miles away from me.

 

"For now..I can't Hyung.." He sat down and our eyes met. He didn't lose his smile the moment we met.

 

"Why? Are you okay?" I asked and watched him with an unsure gaze.

 

"I walked for so long, Hyung. I'm walking for days. Thanks to you I made it to this point. Everytime I fell to my knees I heard your voice. I heard Kihyun Hyung, Minhyuk Hyung, Shownu Hyung, Hyungwon Hyung and Jooheon Hyung too, but your voice was so strong."

 

I kept quiet. The voices between us got much louder.

 

"I'm relieved to see you. I missed you so much. Now let me rest a bit, Hyung. Give me a bit time, I'll meet you soon."

 

I nodded. I missed him too..

 

Before I could respond I saw that Changkyun wasn't there anymore. I looked around me, but he was nowhere to be seen. I swallowed, wanted to open my eyes but it seemed impossible. It didn't feel like a dream. As behind my eyelids, there was a hidden reality. A painful heartache followed afterwards and I had to keep my eyes shut for a few seconds. In a moment I was teleported to the emergency hall from earlier. I still felt a bit dizzy, but I ignored it. Why was I here? It was dark and cold. I didn't have claustrophobia, but for some reason the white walls of the hospital were coming closer and leaving me breathless. I wanted to scream, even ran away without looking back. Both of my dreams about Changkyun turned into nightmares. Maybe it was a sign or maybe just coincidence. I was caught in my thoughts, that I didn't hear the loud noise. It was getting louder with each step I took. That sound was something you could only hear at hospitals. The sound of... a heart chart. A heart chart, which was drawing a straight line. The sound of death had captured me. My soul left my body, I was shaking. The white walls, I was afraid of,  swung in a wave and one clock after another appeared on the walls. 3:45. 3:45. 3:45.  Thousands of clocks surrounded me. I got it: It was 3:45. What was that supposed to mean? Another heartache blocked my view and then I fell backwards. I couldn't take it anymore.

 

After I opened my eyes I realised that I was drenched in sweat, but still lying on my bed. I reached for my phone and checked the time. 3:09am. I chocked on my own spit and coughed. There was a possibility that my dream was a look into the future.

 

Was Changkyun going to die in less than an hour? No! No, that was probably not the case. 

 

I quickly jumped out of my bed and ran out of the dorm. I had to be really quiet, otherwise Shownu would hold an speech about my mental state. 

 

I quickly took a taxi and arrived earlier than expected.. When I left the taxi, I realised there were no security guards, no employees in the hallways, almost anyone..  
It felt like a destiny, as it was meant to be this way. I knew it was more than a dream. As if I had to be here at this time..

 

I rushed to the emergency hall without wasting any time.. Unexpectedly there was a single nurse standing in the hall.. 

 

"Excuse me.. I really have to meet Im Changkyun. It's an urgent matter.", I tried to explain as calm as possible.

 

she looked weirdly at my pyjamas..

 

"I'm sorry to say that but I can't let you in. It's way too late. Please try to visit him tomorrow."

 

I knew she'd say that but I really had to get in...

 

"I know.. I totally understand it but please be more understanding.. I only have a few minutes left. Otherwise I might never see him again..", I said while I teared up a bit.

 

she seemed to be speechless and tried to continue with an unsatisfied and weak smile..

 

"Okay.. I'll let you in but only for a few minutes. If someone finds out you're in, I'll loose my job. Please hurry up, I'll be waiting for you here."

 

I followed her to a small room to change my clothes into a foliodress..

 

It was 3:34am. She opened the gate and there he was lying...  
He was wrapped in white bandages, looking like a Mummy. 

 

I watched the machines which he was surrounded by..  
I've got teary by the tought that his life depended on them.

 

"Kkung..?", I approached him.

 

His face was swollen and his lips were purple.. Even though it was hard to look at him the way he was lying there, I still found him very cute. I was happy to see him again..

 

I wiped my tears away and laughed weirdly..

 

"Do you know ..? I promised infront of the members that I'll buy you everything you want, the moment you come back. I already bought your favourite game, so you have to think of something else."

 

I held his small hand. It was cold...

 

"Kihyun made your favourite cupcakes, Hyungwon bought the headphones you always wanted. The purple ones and there is a lot more, which I'll keep as a secret for now."

 

I closed my eyes.. Why was it hurting so much, why was my heart clenching?

 

"I missed you Kyun.. We all missed you so mu-" I stopped talking, he was finally moving.

 

His small hand grabbed mine and I quickly approached him even more.  
He slowly opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. His red eyes didn't met mine, but I was not going to rush. I've waited patiently. After seconds he turned to my side and we met. 

 

"Welcome back" I whispered.. holding his hand even tighter..

 

He pointed to the oxygen mask he was wearing.

 

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

 

He didn't say anything and took off the mask..

 

"Kyun.. Are you fine? Do you know.. I was waiting for this moment.. Finally you're here baby.. I prayed everyday. My only wish was to get a chance to apologize to you. I did a big mistake. I shouldn't have said all these mean things to you and after I pushed you.. I hated myself.. I'm sorry Kyun. I'm soo sorry." 

 

I remembered all the times I cried because of myself. How I've treated my younger brother, who I've never once called "brother". I remembered how many times I said and prayed "I only want to apologize, please god let me apologize" over and over again.

 

Changkyun smiled weakly and a single tear left his eye..

 

"H-hyung I-It's o-okay.. I'm n-not mad.." he said and before I realised that he couldn't breathe, the same noise from earlier filled my ears..

 

It was 3:45am and a single line appeared on the heart chart.

 

-

 

Years ago when the Joseon King sat there, he told his son that some people, even though they had the worst injuries and were beaten to hell, couldn't die because there was something holding them alive.. Sometimes it was all because their souls were restless, sometimes they only needed a smile, a word or even just a small gesture to let them rest in peace.


End file.
